Much Ado About Grieving
by nojamhands
Summary: Thinking about Stars Hollow without Bootsy is sad, though not everyone may agree. Thank you, Brian Tarantina, for giving us Bootsy.


"Luke?"

Lorelai's soft query and gently hand on his arm still managed to give him a bit of a start. She gave him a sympathetic smile. "Sorry. I didn't mean to sneak up on you."

"S'ok."

Luke wished she would quit looking at him with those sad eyes.

He was fine.

He'd told her a dozen times he was fine.

It's not like this was his first experience with death. In fact, he probably had more experience with it than most people in Stars Hollow.

All of his grandparents had passed when he was young.

Then his mother.

Then his father.

Then Uncle Louie.

He loved his wife, but Luke knew her dealings with death were much more limited than his. Christ, she'd been in her 30s the first time she'd ever really had to experience death and grief when her grandmother died, and that had been shortly after Fran had passed as well.

Yeah, Luke definitely had a leg up on her when it came to loss.

And this wasn't even a loss, really. It was, but it wasn't like it was deeply meaningful to Luke. Was it sad? Sure, but he wasn't broken up over it.

It had been a few days since Miss Patty broke the news to the diner patrons that Bootsy had a heart attack and died in his sleep. Luke, of course, provided everyone's meals on the house and continued to feed the townspeople throughout the day…which turned into the rest of the week as well as Bootsy's wake just a few hours ago.

"Babe?"

Lorelai had been talking to him and he hadn't heard a word. "Sorry," he cleared his throat. "What did you say?"

There were those damn sad, pity eyes again. "I asked if you were okay."

Luke scoffed and rolled his eyes. "Yeah I'm fine. Just like the last 30 times you've asked."

She raised her hands in surrender. "Okay. I'm just checking. You just…you don't seem okay."

He crossed his arms over his chest and quirked an eyebrow at her. "Okay? Enlighten me."

"When your Uncle Louie died, you were running around like crazy trying to plan a service for him. I had to offer to step in and help because you were about to drown under the weight of all the responsibility you we're taking on."

"Well, Louie was family."

Lorelai nodded. "Right. And when we broke up the first time, you were burning food and screaming at your customers."

"Well, I was miserable over you. That's not a secret."

She nodded again. "Right. And when my father died, you were so antsy that you went around fixing anything you could get your hands on at their house."

"Well, your mother makes me nervous already. I didn't want to be in her way or upset her on the day of her husband's funeral. Come on, Lorelai."

Why was she still nodding?

"Right. So in all the time I've known you, when you've been faced with loss, you react. Whether you're overwhelming yourself with tasks or raging around the diner or being so anxious you could barely hold a glass of Scotch, you react."

Luke gave her a confused look. "Alright…so what're you getting at."

The sympathetic smile was back, paired with those somber eyes. "Luke since Bootsy died, you've done nothing. You've barely had a reaction at all. You're just sort of…existing. I've started to wonder if you've been replaced by a robot."

Luke scoffed and rolled his eyes again. "Is that what this is about? Geez. I'm not being a robot or a zombie or whatever. You're making this into something when it's nothing. Bootsy died. It's sad. But he's not the first person I know to die."

"I know. But you've known him your whole life. You guys got into a fight about your clay handprints when you were in first grade. He's been a part of our lives for as long as I can remember. His magazine stand has been directly across from the diner for forever."

"His _father's _magazine stand," Luke corrected.

"And who will take it over now, hm?" Lorelai asked.

Luke hadn't thought about it. He wasn't a magazine man so the fate of the town staple hadn't occurred to him.

He shrugged. "I guess maybe people will stop wasting their money and finally go all digital."

"This coming from the man who still doesn't understand FaceTime."

Lorelai thought she caught the word "pointless" in the midst of Luke's grumbling in his own defense.

She sighed. "Look I'm not trying to force you to feel something you don't, but I've never seen you be so…aloof. I'm worried about you. I just don't want you to brush this under the rug like it doesn't matter if it does. But if you say it's nothing, then I believe you. Just take some time to think on it, okay?"

She kissed him quickly and strolled out of the diner.

Luke continued to wipe down the counter like he had been doing for the last several hours. When he looked up, the magazine stand caught his eye. He'd never really thought about how it was visible from this spot; seeing it had become so ingrained into his routine.

What _would_ happen to the stand now that Bootsy was…

Luke let out a grunt of frustration. "Why is this so…ugh!"

He and Bootsy had been bitter rivals their entire lives. Bootsy still held a grudge against him for the clay handprints incident. Luke still held a grudge against Bootsy for always being a pain in his ass.

But there had been some good times, too, as much as he tried to suppress them.

Like when Luke's skateboard had been stolen and Bootsy lent him his until Luke earned enough money in the hardware store for a new one.

Or when Bootsy's dress shirt shrunk in the dryer before prom and Luke got him one of his dad's shirts in the nick of time.

Despite all their bickering, Luke knew they were friends.

Maybe something akin to brothers, if Luke was the mature older one and Bootsy was the pesky little brother always wanting to be included.

Luke chuckled at a memory of Bootsy from the Bracebridge Dinner nearly 20 years ago.

_You can't have a quick minute because it's always sixty seconds._

At the time he had been annoyed, but in hindsight, it was pretty funny, even if Bootsy was being completely serious. Maybe that made it even more funny.

Luke felt a lump rising in his throat. "Damn it…"

The realization that he wouldn't ever have to deal with Bootsy's antics again hit him like a freight train.

And it hurt.

He grabbed some things from the upstairs office and made his way to the cemetery.

The earth was soft and cool on his palm when he placed the object there. He tried his best to bury it somewhat so it was hidden from public eye, but something about digging on someone's grave felt extremely creepy, so he didn't go too deep.

When he stood, he wiped his hands on his pants to rid them of dirt.

"Enjoy the handprints, Bootsy. You were right all along. I would say sorry, but…I'm not." Luke cracked a smile. "Thanks for the memories."

* * *

The next morning Lorelai met him at the diner for her pre-work coffee.

"Hey, you," she greeted him with a quick peck. "You got in late last night. Everything okay?"

He smiled warmly back at her. "Yup. Just took care of some business. All good now."

She reached for his hand and gave it a squeezed. "Yeah, I can tell. You seem…lighter."

"I am. Thank you," he replied, giving her another kiss before going to serve customers.

Lorelai drummed her fingers on the counter and looked around the diner while she waited for him to return.

"Luke?"

"Yeah?"

"Why did the special change to a 'Bonanza Special'? You a big Dan Blocker fan?"

Luke let out a small snicker. "No, but Bootsy's parents were."

Lorelai looked at him blankly.

"You didn't think his real name was Bootsy did you?"

Lorelai gaped at him. "Why would I think it was anything else? Bootsy isn't a nickname you here, like, ever!"

Luke grinned at her. "It is if you hate your first name enough."

Her eyes grew as round as dinner plates. "You mean…"

Luke nodded. "His parents were huge, crazy fans. So much that they named their son for it. Bonanza Truman Esposito, poor guy. They stuck him in so many cowboy outfits as a kid. I think Bootsy just came up accidentally and he latched onto it. I would have, too, if I was named after a TV show and FDR's successor."

Lorelai was in shock. "But why not Dan? Or Eric or Little Joe? Even Hoss is less bizarre!"

"Please don't ask me to explain the thought process of Bootsy's parents."

She laughed and took a sip of her coffee. "Hm, calling it the 'Bonanza Special' also keeps people from knowing what a softie you are."

Luke gave her a mock glare. "Watch it. I'll cut off your caffeine."

Lorelai mimicked zipping her lips and throwing away the key.

The Bonanza Special eventually transitioned from the weekly special to a permanent spot on the Luke's menu.

And, surprising no one, Kirk took over the newsstand.


End file.
